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By Grant Tucker

Whether instructed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly smart, they carry a unique position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no larger time to have a good time the immortal one-liner. during this e-book, supply Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever instructed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and a complete lot extra.

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Sample text

I thought it was great advice. So I got it tattooed on my forehead. I texted my mate the other day to ask who his favourite composer is. Surprisingly, he didn’t text Bach. ’ Who the hell would pay that for a Citroën? Not impressed by these so-called long-life light bulbs. We kitted out Granddad’s whole house with them and he still died. Me and the wife tried swinging. But she just sat on her fat arse and I ended up doing all the pushing. I hate the fact that I’m not allowed to celebrate St George’s Day.

Can anyone tell me what concise means? Please be short, brief and to the point. ’ I have two brothers. Well, three actually, but one has learning difficulties so he can’t count. The police have banned me from driving, but I thought it was perfectly legal to drive after only having six points. Or ‘pints’ as the police spelt it. I don’t celebrate Father’s Day. I’m such a bastard. Spelling yllistsuj backwards is just silly. ’ No surprise that she was soon sacked from her job as a journalist. A survey has shown that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

I almost fell off my unicorn. I bet the Icelandics were pretty pissed off when Eyjafjallajökull erupted. Well, shift happens. What do a near-sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose. I’m worried that my addiction to helter-skelters is spiralling out of control. Some helium floats into a bar and tries to order a drink. ’ The helium doesn’t react. I just lost out in a drag race. My bloody stilettos snapped. I always take my wife’s side no matter what. She is fat enough without eating KFC gravy as well.

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